My Blog

The phrase "go slower to get there faster" is an important component of personal growth.

We all generally want to achieve our goals quickly, right? Magazine covers are filled with tips for "losing weight fast", and the desire to "get rich quick" is compelling. Yet it's common knowledge that weight quickly lost can be easily regained, and the idea that "fast money" can be earned with little investment is a major reason the housing market tumbled and investment earnings evaporated almost overnight.

It's common to think that intimacy means two people feeling emotionally close to one another, or sharing private time together, or being sexual with each other. But the truest possible act of intimacy is to invite another person to look into your heart and mind. The act of revealing your truest and deepest feelings -- the hopes, doubts, fears, joys, sorrows and all the other rich details of your inner life -- is what constitutes the basis of all real intimacy.

"It's never a straight line."  -Geri Larkin

We think the shortest path between two points is a straight line. While this may be true in physics it is seldom the case in personal growth. You don't go from your starting point to your destination without detours, obstacles, curves, roadblocks, false starts, setbacks and other barriers to your goal. That's just how a hero's journey unfolds (and in case you've forgotten or have never been told, that's what your life is about).

In my working counseling many hundreds of individuals and couples over the past three-plus decades I've noticed that many people are striving to create new paradigms in their lives that are very different from anything they experienced in their family heritage. For example, I've seen countless courageous parents attempting to raise their children in ways that represent a striking departure from the way they themselves were brought up. Many people are making commitments to personal growth throughout their entire life cycle when such effort was unheralded in previous generations.

It's no big news to say that some days are better than others. There are times when nothing goes as planned as well as periods when everything seems to fall into place just the right way. It's my conviction that how we handle the challenging times in our life goes a long way in determining our overall happiness.

What's the most important play in all of sports? The touchdown? The home run? The hole in one? Any sport or game has certain moves or plays that are crucial for a victory, but under all circumstances the most important play of all is......

.....the next one.

On July 26 2024 I will be presenting a 4 hour webinar for sex addiction therapists, sex therapists and general mental health therapists titled "How to Incorporate the Many Benefits of the Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB) Framework Into Your Clinical Practice".