General

Now or Later?

True conscious growth is often difficult to achieve. Whether it's exercising regularly to grow stronger physically, studying a difficult subject to gain deeper knowledge, facing deep fears to transform to develop greater courage, going through the discomfort of withdrawal to break free of addiction or working through an emotional conflict to improve a relationship with a person you care about, there is generally a lot of pain on the front end. The first push-ups are the hardest.

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"No" Is a Complete Sentence

The word "No"I recently heard a phrase that is brilliant in its simplicity:"No" is a complete sentence.

Some people don't seem to have any trouble saying "no", but for those of us who can struggle with temporary surges of codependency, this simple word can be a challenge to utter. Instead, it's tempting to give a lot of explanations when declining an offer or request, instead of simply saying "no".

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Did You Make Your Bed today?

It’s difficult to know exactly what each day will bring for you to face: if life shows us anything it’s that uncertainties abound and challenges may spring up when least expected or desired.  Sometimes it may seem like every minute is filled with a task to accomplish…..a need to meet…..a fire to put out.

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The Difference That Really Makes a Difference

"If you want something different, you have to do something different." This seems like a straight-forward aphorism, doesn't it? But there's an important corollary to this rule, which is that not every difference makes a difference

It's probably fair to say that anyone who walks into a counselor's office wants something to be different: to be less depressed, have a better marriage, break free of a destructive addiction, and on and on.

Sanity Equals Limits and Boundaries

I once heard someone say "sanity equals limits and boundaries" and the concept has stuck with me ever since. There are a lot of useful ways to apply this philosophy to daily life.

To clarify, I use the word "limits" to apply to the inner self and "boundaries" to apply to others. For example, if you don't buy Girl Scout cookies to save yourself from the temptation of eating the whole box, that's a limit. If you tell a friend not to bring alcohol to your house, that's boundary. Limits address our own behavior while boundaries address to the behavior of others. One is measured inwardly and the other outwardly.

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Sometimes A Problem Is A Solution

We all have lots of problems.....or so we think. I recently heard a simple but powerful statement that merits a lot of reflection:

What you typically think of as problems are often

 simply solutions you don't like.

The most basic definition of a problem is a struggle or conflict with no readily achievable solution. But more often than we care to admit, it isn't that the answer is outside of our grasp; it's just that we don't want to face it.

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